Ugh, head congestion I hate it. I have been thinking a lot about life lately, the things I have done, the things I should have done, and the things I have/am done/doing that I should not be.
Something has taken me over. I have become some kind of sex fiend. I am always looking for a woman to sleep with and if none of the regulars are available I will just find a new one. Why do I do this? It is not fair to them, and certainly not fair to my wife. I have no idea why. I need to stop.
Something happened this weekend that makes me think the end of this is coming sooner rather than later. Piph came to me and said she wanted to start a relationship with someone else. I am ok with that. It takes some of the focus off of me and will make my inevitable departure easier.
I still can't decide if I love my wife anymore or not. When I am around her I feel numb at best. I used to look forward to coming home and seeing her, now I don't. She frustrates me. She asks me questions that she knows the answers to. She asks questions she is capable of figuring out on her own but it is just easier to repeatedly ask me. She does not listen to what I say, she injects meanings into things that were there nor ever intended.
She is so negative all the time. It is complete insanity trying to live with it. Everything I try she gives me a negative outlook on even before I try it. Why do I bother?
Today seems to be the same old same old. I don't feel so hot, I am annoyed by people, and really would just rather be alone.
I guess you could say today is NOT a good day.
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